KIRYU ZERO: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual
by diciassete
Summary: The long-awaited, Kiryu Zero's Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual! Congratulations! You have just purchased your very own KIRYU ZERO! This manual will ensure that you don't get murdered the moment you unpack him or any night he finds you sneaking into the bed, yawning, while he's still half-unconscious! \Several double entendres!/


**KIRYU ZERO: User Guide and Maintenance Manual**

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**CONGRATULATIONS! **You have just purchased your very own KIRYU ZERO! This manual will ensure that you don't get murdered the moment you unpack him or any night he finds you sneaking into the bed, yawning, while he's still half-unconscious!

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**Technical Specifications: **

Name: Kiryu Zero. Will respond to "Kiryu", "Kiryu-san", "Zero", neutrally to "Kiryu-kun", "Zero-kun", "Kiryu-senpai"

Age: 18

Place of Manufacture: Hio-Transformation, Co.

Height: 181cm

Weight: 68kg

Length: Longer than Bloody Rose™.

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**Your KIRYU ZERO unit comes with the following: **

One (1) Day Class uniform suit and pants

One (1) pair of jeans with chain

Two (2) gun holsters

One (1) regular .22

One (1) Bloody Rose™

One (1) red tie

One (1) over-sized long-sleeved beige shirt and baggy pajama pants

Sixty (60) phials of HIO SHIZUKA's blood

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**Programming**

Your KIRYU ZERO unit comes with the following traits:

Gunman: Need a hitman? KIRYU ZERO's gun is especially programmed to chase down any person that you particularly dislike, as long as **CROSS **YUUKI isn't in the know about this.

Vampire Hunter: Similar to Gunman, but this time, he uses Bloody Rose™ to hunt down _vampires_. Amazing, right? You won't believe his accuracy and precision. The vampire who mortally offended you will be extremely sorry.

Student: He's a student too, and gets top marks in all of his classes despite sleeping during them and not getting enough sleep during the night! He'll maybe consent to helping you with your own…if you're close enough to him.

Cook: If you thought that your mother made the best macaroni and cheese, be prepared to be proven wrong. KIRYU ZERO is one of the best cooks there are in the Vampire Knight universe. If you're feeling too lazy to microwave your food or you want to eat something un-microwaved for once, call him up; he'll be glad to cook for you.

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**Removal of your KIRYU ZERO unit from Packaging**

KIRYU ZERO, no matter which way you wake him up, will always be cold towards you at first. These are just supposed infallible ways of getting him not to hate you _too much_. Relationships grow with the heart and time, not just sudden appearance and assessment of good looks. Sorry, ladies—or men, since KIRYU ZERO doesn't really mind—but you'll have to work to get him to warm up to you and warm up your bed. There are only four ways to do this right and too _many_ ways to do it wrong.

1. Have a CROSS YUUKI unit or CROSS KAIEN unit come to wake him up. Understandably, he'll be quite irritable and he'll look at you with a hostile expression, not expecting a stranger, but as he turns to focus on either of the two (or both, if they are both present), hasten to reprogram him at the neck, where his 'bite mark' is.

2. If you're sure he's awake, just dismantle the box and hope for the best—that he doesn't shoot you with a normal gun or Bloody Rose™.

3. Sing a lullaby to him. He likes the peace and quiet, and the soothing tone. If you can't sing, on the other hand, you might want to just play an audio track of the lullaby. Suggested lullabies are: _Nuku, nuku, nurmilintu; Silent Night; and __Jeg vil tælle stjernerne._

4. Have a TOUGA YAGARI unit come up with a KIRYU ICHIRU unit and TAKAMIYA KAITO unit and shout, "ZERO! TIME FOR TARGET PRACTICE!" Assuredly, KIRYU ZERO would dismantle the box easily, nock Bloody Rose™ at the nearest target, and aim. Worry not; the gun only affects vampires, certainly not furniture or humans. The Hooded Woman's presence within the vampire hunter weapon is only effective towards vampires.

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**Reprogramming**

After successfully getting your KIRYU ZERO out of his crate—as you should, because those ways are failsafe—you can reprogram him to these several modes, since you probably don't want a brooding, annoyed KIRYU ZERO on your hands, though you'd certainly want to be on his.

_Taciturn (default)_

_Apathetic (default)_

_Emotionally Unstable_

_Post-Traumatic Family Massacre (locked)_

_Gruffly Affectionate_ _(locked)_

He comes in two modes by default, though you should probably already know, from watching the anime or reading the manga. _Taciturn _and _Apathetic_ are just his facades—he's secretly a really gentle person, and not supposed to be scary. He's really protective of human beings, so if you aren't a vampire who's ordered a KIRYU ZERO unit for some far-fetched, sadomasochistic reason, he'll warm up to you soon enough.

_Emotionally Unstable_ is a pretty interesting mode—as we've heard from all of our customers so far. They like a bipolar Zero, apparently, from quivering and looking lost like a young child to angrily pointing Bloody Rose™ at them like a boss™. This is what happens sometimes. He usually does point Bloody Rose™ at everyone else when 'emotionally unstable' in the actual anime and manga, but we added the young-child thing just for kicks. What can we say—a scared Zero in adult form is a cute Zero.

The one mode that is extremely dangerous is _Post-Traumatic Family Massacre_. Put him in a large house with KURAN KANAME in _Psychopathic_ and there you have it. Lock the exits and entrances and all of the windows. Fortify the walls. If you unlock this one, God bless you seven times over, because there's no way in hell you'll get out of this unscarred. KIRYU ZERO will scare the shit out of you, not to mention make you cry and point any gun at you, which means the guns that will actually hit and maim you—and what the hey, every night, when you go to sleep and he's getting up, he's going to tell you that he dreamed of his parents being killed, and he's going to _describe it in detail_. You may or may not want to reprogram him to another mode, unless you're too scared to approach him. Otherwise, you can send him back or force him to spend two days in a room with **light** with a CROSS YUUKI unit, TOUGA YAGARI unit, CROSS KAIEN unit, or KIRYU ICHIRU unit.

_Gruffly Affectionate_, my friends, is the one you've been all waiting to unlock. It is also the last one we have chosen to include in this manual, since you all no doubt want a silver-haired vampire-hunter vampire to cuddle you on the sofa, floor, or bed. If you're naturally clumsy, petite, and chirpy, he'll probably take to you after two weeks. If you're anything else, it'll take a while. You need to be cheerful, supporting him no matter what, and insistent on doing things for him to help him, whether he knows it or not—and believe us, he will find out. He always finds out about these types of things. At first, he might be a bit angry at the fact that you're trying to help him, because he doesn't want to get close to you, but if you disregard his orders, he'll eventually fall into silent resignation and then warm up to you.

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**Relationships with Other Units: **

KURAN KANAME:You know those Facebook statuses where the relationship standing is 'It's complicated'? Well, between KURAN KANAME and KIRYU ZERO, it transcends 'It's complicated.' In fact, it goes to, 'So complex that one knot undone only makes fifty others.' KIRYU ZERO and KURAN KANAME are pretty jealous of each other, quite nearly hate each other (A LOT), and KIRYU ZERO would love to point Bloody Rose™ at KURAN KANAME's head. Of course, this could make quite the kinky reenactment, if they were to get together in a relationship. It's kind of love-hate. The other is qualified to protect KURAN/CROSS YUUKI, and respect Yuuki's preferences. The relationship mode is _Gruffly Affectionate_ or _Post-Traumatic Family Massacre _for Zero and _Psychopathic_, _Caring/Gentle,_ or _Suicidal/Depressed _for Kaname.

CROSS YUUKI: Already, Zero is in love with CROSS YUUKI. And yes, it has progressed pretty far into love. As soon as KIRYU ZERO sees a CROSS YUUKI unit, the relationship mindset will be activated. KIRYU ZERO will remain quiet about liking CROSS YUUKI, but it will still be pretty obvious to everyone except for CROSS YUUKI herself. The two of them are constantly wishing the best for the other. CROSS YUUKI would do anything to help degenerate KIRYU ZERO's progression into Level E, and KIRYU ZERO would die to protect CROSS YUUKI, and would refuse to drink her blood. There are no modes for a relationship between the two, since it is deeply ingrained within KIRYU ZERO's system to be like that.

KURAN YUUKI: KIRYU ZERO still loves KURAN YUUKI, but noticeably, he hides it a lot more behind a mask of hostility. In fact, he hates KURAN KANAME even more. As soon as he sees a KURAN YUUKI unit, he will regress into _Emotionally Unstable. _

TOUGA YAGARI: KIRYU ZERO and TOUGA YAGARI go way back. He was TOUGA YAGARI's student and still is in spirit. TOUGA YAGARI taught him to become a vampire hunter and how to wield a gun. Once, TOUGA YAGARI saved KIRYU ZERO from a beautiful nurse-turned-vampire by a Pureblood who was his own fiancée, but lost his eye when KIRYU ZERO refused to run, refused to believe that the nurse had become a vampire. KIRYU ZERO promised to never let TOUGA YAGARI regret losing that eye.

CROSS KAIEN: His 'adoptive father.' KIRYU ZERO is in fact a stickler for the details and would never admit to anyone, especially himself, that he might think of CROSS KAIEN as a father. CROSS KAIEN understands KIRYU ZERO more than the young vampire thinks. There is a hint that CROSS KAIEN might have loved KURAN JURI at some point, and maybe he relates to KIRYU ZERO this way through KIRYU ZERO's undying love for KURAN YUUKI even after she's become a vampire.

HIO SHIZUKA: HIO SHIZUKA turned KIRYU ZERO into a vampire. There are still ill feelings between them, as she did take his brother and kill his parents right before his eyes. Her blood is the only blood in the world, of all Purebloods, that can stop his regression to Level E. Not even KURAN KANAME's blood could be able to save him, so KURAN KANAME, the brilliant mastermind he is, decides to drink HIO SHIZUKA's blood and bring it to KIRYU ZERO himself. KIRYU ZERO positively hates HIO SHIZUKA, and likewise for HIO SHIZUKA, since his parents killed her lover.

KIRYU ICHIRU: KIRYU ZERO and KIRYU ICHIRU are, in fact, twins. Unfortunately, they are inflicted with the 'curse of the hunter twins.' Since instinctively, even in the womb, the stronger of the two fetuses would devour the other one to regain full strength. KIRYU ZERO turned out to be the stronger of the two and eventually drank KIRYU ICHIRU's blood and became more powerful. Twincest is an option, but we'll leave you to figure that out for yourself.

VAMPIRES IN GENERAL: KIRYU ZERO detests vampires. Be them good or bad, he's still kind of hostile towards them. The only vampire he'd actually tolerate is KURAN YUUKI, but a sense of duty overrides any sort of feelings he has towards her. A vampire, in fact, killed his parents, a vampire by the name of HIO SHIZUKA, and took his brother for some sort of a minion, attendant, and/or confidante (depending on the mode HIO SHIZUKA is in). Another vampire is also the cause of TOUGA YAGARI's case with the one eye.

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**Cleaning**

KIRYU ZERO is very capable of cleaning himself. Do not attempt to join him in the shower or bathtub unless he has just come back bloodied, torn, with a neck bite. Then, he might consent to you cleaning him if you're insistent enough and he doesn't have a tint of red in his eyes. Be sure to use an old rag or washcloth and lukewarm water.

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**Feeding**

Your unit is a vampire, if you didn't know. His body rejects the blood tablets. He needs your blood every week. If he begins to frequently bite your neck, or he remains sucking your blood for more than five minutes, you have cause to be worried. Give him a phial (one of the sixty we have provided) of HIO SHIZUKA's blood and he will go back to normal for a period of three months. Note that he requires one dose of her blood every two months to be extra, extra safe, but if you trust KIRYU ZERO's willpower enough, you can skip another month, especially if you enjoy having the blood sucked out of you.

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**Rest**

KIRYU ZERO rarely rests, since he's used to Guardian Duty on Cross Academy grounds. Now that he gets a bed all to himself all night, he can sleep easier, but if you give him a phial of HIO SHIZUKA's blood, he will revert to sleeping during the day and then letting you have the bed at night. If you're close enough to him, he'll hug you close during the rare moments that both of you are in the same bed, because you were either too lazy to get up or too early to get in. He has a set period of sleeping during the day from 9:00AM to 10:30PM.

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**Frequently Asked Questions**

Q: My unit keeps ripping up every manga volume of Vampire Knight that I have! What the fuck is up with that?

A: Your unit detests anyone reading about his personal life in Cross Academy. And it might be salt to a wound since in the manga, Yuuki seems to prefer Kaname over Zero…

Q: Zero refuses to drink my blood and keeps telling me he needs to see Yuuki! What do I do?

A: Give him a phial of Shizuka's blood, of course. You have to give him one every two months—three is slightly pushing it—four is a death wish.

Q: Today, he asked if he could cook. Is something wrong with him?

A: Ah, no, he probably thinks your cooking tastes like shit.

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**Troubleshooting**

Problem: My unit keeps tossing and turning in the bed, and he always wakes up reaching for his gun with a god-awful, blood-curdling scream! I really feel for him—he looks like he's in his own personal hell when he's sleeping. What can I do to help him?

Solution: Put him through a counseling session with Cross Kaien. He'll probably stop having those nightmares in five days after seeing Cross Kaien. Be thankful that he isn't in _Post-Traumatic Family Massacre_. Otherwise, he'd actually describe those dreams to you in precise detail.

Problem: Zero refuses to sleep during the day and tells me to stop calling him Zero. I've already given him a phial of Shizuka's blood, but it's not working. He doesn't drink my blood at all, and he's always going off to see HIO SHIZUKA or KURENAI MARIA.

Solution: Sincere apologies! We have sent you a KIRYU ICHIRU unit instead! This is a rather grave mistake. If you choose to return him, we will send you a KIRYU ZERO unit free of charge.

Problem: Zero often stumbles through the house, and he looks as sober as can be, but then he takes one look at me, his eyes turn red, and he pins me against the wall and drinks my blood! He doesn't even say Yuuki's name or anything, which I expect, but instead he mumbles my name! What the hell is this?

Solution: He's probably still recovering from the fact that he's actually feeling a lot more comfortable to you! So of course, his natural instinct is to test you by drinking your blood without informing you first! Worry not; he's not subverting into a Level E. He's just showing that he's a lot more relaxed in your presence than before, in an undoubtedly awkward and sultry way.

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**End Notes**

With great care and caution, you'll possibly become extremely close to KIRYU ZERO. Be careful not to screw that balance up. Any injuries sustained during the process are not covered in insurance or warrantee by Hio-Transformation, Co. who manufactures the unit, or VanpaiaNaito Co. who sells the unit.

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**I have a request to do SHIKI SENRI next, so here I come, Shiki-san! **  
It might take a while since I'm working on another story as well...and The Vampire Knight is unfortunately on hiatus.


End file.
